Having recently taken over as Supreme Leader of the United Kingdom of Britainshire, new Premier Boris Johnson has underlined his determination to force through his plans for a No-Dildo Brexit.
Speaking to a gathering of tramps, prostitutes and callboys in the doorway of a Vapestore in Colchester this morning, Pieminister Johnson proclaimed: “We didn’t fight and win four World Wars, rescue Nelson Mandela from slavery and single-handedly free the citizens of Mars from oppression for Johnny and Jenny Foreigner to come over here and tell us the way we can and can’t do things. We’re British godammit and we’re perfectly capable of ballsing things up on our own without the help of Pedro, Pierre and Gunther.”
”You all voted for a long, hard and thrusting Brexit, not a short, limp meandering one and I’m going to give it to you hard, just how you like it.. Those bureaucrats in Brussels are desperate to force their regime down our throats and I say ‘No More!’ If i have to I will force through a No-Dildo Brexit, after all synthetic rubber is no substitute for the god old-fashioned British banger. Look, Jeremy Corbyn is trying to kill a child!”
On The Buses fan Johnson is taking part in a tour of Britain before finding the cure for Aids, reintroducing banana-flavour Toffos and figuring out who shot JR once and for all…