Lock up your daughters, hunky Trotskyist Jeremy Corbyn is bringing his radical roadshow to the William Loveless Hall this week in a desperate effort to drum up support for his latest bid to become leader of the rebel alliance.
Corbyn, who is widely regarded as the only hope of saving the galaxy from the evil clutches of Emperor David Cameraman, faces stiff competition from other hopefuls including Andy Robot, Yvette Balls and Liz Kendal-Mint-Cake, but hopes that his everyman mix of hokey magic, Jedi mind tricks and sandals with socks will be enough to win the people of the democratic state of Englandshire over.
Though derided as a dangerous influence by evil emperor and Death Star dweller Blair Warmongerer, Corbyn is believed to be a popular pick among the rebels who remember the glory days of the clone wars and the sartorial elegance of Jedi master Michael of Foot.
When asked about his opponents and their chances of providing a viable threat to the Jedi Council, Corbyn told The Brightlingsea and Wivenhoe Chronical’s Derek Scarpenter: “They’re not the droids you’re looking for. Who’s more foolish, the fool or the fool that follows him? That’s no moon, it’s a spacestation. Remember, the Force will be with you always”
Wise words indeed…