Hardcore Wivenhoe Watchers will remember that Leonardo Di Caprio first sprang to fame a couple of years ago when he was the subject of the very first Wivenhoe Watcher post (those of you that want to see where the magic began should click here). Now, some three years later, the star of Titanic (real name Leonard Capri Sun), has come to the attention of authorities after he celebrated last night's Oscar win in the early hours in his new Hamilton Road bachelor pad.
Di Caprio won the bestest actor in a film staring Leonardo Di-Caprio category for his role in The Reverend – the story of a vicar who is brutally mauled by a bear during a teddy bears picnic at a village fete and left to clear it all up on his own. He celebrated his victory with showbiz pals including Alan Staplegun, Mickey Rivets and Edgar Cumberband, but the police were called by jealous neighbours Matt Damon and Michael Fartbender just after 8pm.
Wivenhoe's Chief of Police, Chief Inspector Deputy Lieutenant Constable Captain David Starsky told John Craven's Newsround: "We spoke to Mr Capri Sun following complaints of crisps being eaten loudly, excessive smiling and Musical Youth's Pass the Dutchie on repeat play. We've warned him that if he doesn't stop this nonsense we'll be forced to come back and warn him again. If he persists with this behaviour he can expect to receive a sharply worded letter and a look of disdain whenever he pops into the post office to get his benefits.