Calling mayor of Rowhedge Ken John-Bum “Rocketman” “Maniac face” and “Doctor Fucking Mentals”, Dame Dannii has strongly rebuffed the stagnant cesspool’s claims to be Britain’s best village ever, denouncing the obvious bilge as “Fake news”.
In a highly intelligent and in no way childish rebuke, Dame Dannii told a well-behaved press corps: “I’m sick to death of this Michael Mcintyre lookalike claiming that his grubby little village can in any way be considered the best at anything, except maybe being the arse end of nowhere. The only thing making that repugnant garbage processing plant of a place remotely unshit is its close proximity to Wivenhoe. And if they think they can build a bridge over here so that their little third-world villagers can get a taste of the good life they can think again, bumbaclarts…”
Rowhedge’s mayor has as yet not responded to Dame Dannii’s fair and reasoned thinking, probably because he hasn’t got the Twitters yet, and even if he did it would take Rowhedge’s crappy dial-up internet a month to download a message.