The more observant of those of you able to drag yourself away from mobile phones, Love Island or Cats Do The Funniest Things can’t fail to have noticed the shocking state of Wivenhoe’s grass. Ordinarily at this time of year, it would be thick, green and bursting with lush summer-time flowers like bluebells, crocuses and snowdrops. And yet, take a look out of your window and you can’t fail to be shocked at just how yellow and straw-like everything looks, despite record rainfall for the time of year.
A team of South American scientists carrying out research at the University of Essex believe that they may have put their greasy little fingers on the source of the problem, suggesting that it’s related to Wivenhoe’s infamous yellow snow.
For those with short-term memory issues (it might be time to quit the smoking if you know what I mean), a thick layer of the white stuff covered not only Wivenhoe but less important conurbations like Frating, Layer de la Haye and Manningtree as recently as March. And while most residents enjoyed being able to get frisky in the snow, many complained about the mysterious yellow snow that kept on appearing throughout the town, expressing concern about its acrid bitter taste.
Scientists believe that it’s this yellow snow that’s responsible for the lack of green in our fields, noting: “Somehow, the yellow from the snow seeped into the ground and stained all the grass”.
It is understood that Wivenhoe Mayor Dame Dannii Minogue is in the process of funding a dying programme to return the grass to its former green cross code glory, although it will mean that the rubbish collection service will be reduced to every nine days during months with an L in them.