In an effort to reach out to rival towns Rowhedge and Fingringhoe, Wivenhoe Mayor Dame Dannii Minogue has decided it’s time to bury the hatchet and has welcomed outsiders to come and get a taste of the good life on the decent side of the river.
Speaking at this morning’s Welcome to Wivenhoe event staged by the Wivenhoe Tourist Board, Dame Dannii exclaimed: “For too long now the dirty outsiders have very much been regarded as inferior to us as they don’t have a pub every hundred yards and cos Miss Marple never even visited their grubby little side of the river, let alone lived there. But that’s all about to change. As their superiors it’s up to us to reach across the divide, which is why I’m offering a two-day amnesty to any Fingringhoe or Rowhedge immigrants to come over to where the streets are paved with gold. Obviously, once the amnesty is over, any outsiders will be shot, tied up in a sack of bricks and dumped into the river so that they can make their way back to their own side in safety.”
The Welcome to Wivenhoe amnesty commences from 29-30th February and all outsiders are encouraged to come and enjoy Wivenhoe’s warm embrace.