The building of a series of new homes for retired The X Factor flops has finally begun in earnest on Parkwood Avenue following months of delay. The planned site for the development used to be a series of garages used for storing Bazooka Joe bubblegum, stashes of weaponry and unsold copies of David Beckham’s Bumper book of poetry, but work has finally begun to turn them into luxury houses with doors, windows and stairs.
Despite the good news, local residents have been disappointed to note that the construction has been proceeding at an extraordinarily slow pace.
Mrs N. Osy-Cow told The Watcher: “I have been disappointed to note that the construction has been proceeding at an extraordinarily slow pace. The builders seem to spend more time drinking Jack Daniels, screeching like a cat being strangled and breaking out into lengthy guitar solos than they do actually working. They’re not even breaking for tea, stopping to read The Sun or shouting: “Alright darling” to women walking by. At this rate this job will be going on for years.”
Other residents have complained that the builder’s music has been too loud and not really all that good, leading to Wivenhoe Mayor Dame Dannii Minogue to launch an investigation – code named Sweet Child of Mine. The Watcher tried to find a spokesperson from Rose Builders & Construction, but none was forthcoming.