Halloween came early for a group of Colchester nurses on Saturday afternoon when their visit to Wivenhoe graveyard was gatecrashed by the ghost of TV ‘funny’ man Benny Hill.
The nurses –who make up Colchester Hospital’s Cheeky Nurses Club – were on their annual day out to local places of interest when the horror occurred.
Head Matron, Florence And-the-Nightingale–Machine told The Watcher: “We were having a lovely time walking around the graveyard being all cheeky and that when suddenly a ghostly hand pinched me bum. I turned round and there was Benny Hill, but he was all ghostly like. I said to me mates ‘Come on girls, let’s get ‘im’ and we started to chase him. For some reason it all happened in fast forward and there was this weird music playing all around us.”
The comedian is understood to have holidayed in Wivenhoe every year from 1936 and his ghost is regularly seen by locals.
In 2006 a saucy traffic warden reported that a ghoulish figure grabbed her from behind before making lewd comments in her ear, while in 2010 Duncan Goodhew claimed that an apparition came up behind him and slapped him repeatedly on the top of his head while laughing manically for 45 minutes.
The latest sighting of Old Perv (as locals have fondly named the poltergeist) has caused concern among some locals and a task force is being set up to deal with the problem by Wivenhoe’s chief of police, Chief Inspector Counstable Deputy Captain David Starsky. The former LAPD cop told London Tonight reporters: “I’ve dealt with some right perverts in my time, but this Benji Hall takes the biscuit. I’m going to sit down tonight with my Ghostbusters DVD and a notebook and see if we can’t lock this one down pretty smartish”.
Wivenhoe’s nuns are said to be seriously considering whether or not it’ll be such a good idea to hold their annual stockings and suspenders jamboree in the King George V fields until the suspect has been apprehended – probably by a policewoman in a very short skirt.