Having decided not to take part in The Great British Bake Off any more, poor old Merry Berry has had a lot more time on her hands – a problem that many older people in Wivenhoe can relate to. Though she has plenty to keep her busy running her Wivenhoe-based bordello Taste of Hollywood, Marie admits that no longer being able to criticise other people’s soggy bottoms has left a void in her life that only the feel of knuckle against face and the sickening sound of splintering bone or shattering teeth can fill. Consequently, she has decided to open an underground fight club.
Berry’s Underground Brawling Bar opens its doors from 2am every night and entrance for women and children is half price as an introductory offer for the month of March. The plush new premises include a brawling cage, fighting pit, crèche and soft play area and are described as a friendly atmosphere for all members of the family to let their hair down and forget the stresses of everyday life.
Hairy Mary quite contrary told the Colchester Gazette: “This is a great way to keep fit and it’s perfect for everyone; young and old, male or female. And everyone is welcome – especially that runt Michael Gove, I'd love to have 30 seconds alone with him in the cage. Once I’ve smashed your face in, you’ll be itching for more!”