Exciting news reaches the Watcher that following days of banging and drilling behind the scenes, the new addition to the Co-op has finally been unveiled. And I can exclusively reveal that the upgraded store will include what’s known as a ‘Blockbuster video’.
Huge in the United States of the USA and quite literally science fiction made fact, Blockbuster is a movie store that’s set to revolutionise the way that we watch films. Instead of having the choice of just BBC1, BBC 2 or ITV, Blockbuster ‘rents’ something called video cassettes with movies on them and you can choose from literally tens of titles. A bit like Netflix, but slightly shitter, video cassettes contain movies that you can pause, stop, fast forward (it’s really funny) and rewind (it’s like fast forward, but in reverse!) for no apparent reason whatsoever. Blockbuster hires out movies for just £17 a night and here’s the best bit – once you’ve watched it and spent four or five minutes ‘rewinding it’, you can watch it all over again!
Unable to hide her obvious delight at the new addition to Wivenhoe’s sheer awesomeness, Mayor Dame Dannii Minogue noted: “While lesser people in the outlying backward villages of Alresford, Thorington and Hare Green will have to make do with watching Crossroads or Lenny’s Lucky Ladders tonight, we in Wivenhoe will be living a far more futuristic lifestyle, being able to pick and choose from the latest Hollywood releases, including Chariots of Fire, Flight of the Navigator and Flash Gordon!”.
The store opens tomorrow and promises never to have the movie you want to see, nine times out of ten to put the wrong tape in the box that you take home and to charge you three time what it would cost to buy the movie if you’re more than 13.4 seconds late returning it. It’s sure to be a huge hit with the locals!