Internet expert Desmond Body-Odour told Tomorrow’s World: “This looks to be the work of cyber warfare group HackySack. They’re notorious for making Donald Trump’s hands appear small and orange, leaving the NHS penniless and unfit for purpose and for filling up the internet with fake nudes. My advice would be to turn the bridge off then turn it back on again”.
Victims unlucky enough to have used the bridge since it has been hacked have complained of symptoms that are a cross between Minecraft and the Matrix, with clunky wooden dialogue and blocky, pixelated hands and feet. Residents are being advised to avoid the woods entirely without wearing aluminium foil protective headgear, rubber gloves and prophylactics, while the Environment Agency is seriously considering concreting over the entire woods just to be safe.