Fourtysomething game show host Bruce Forsyth has revealed plans to start a new gentlemen’s afternoon at Wivenhoe Sailing Club. Called Nice To See You… the club will be open on Wednesdays for gentlemen of an older persuasion so that they’ve got somewhere to go and spend their pension money.
Brucie exclusively told The Watcher: “I love living in Wivenhoe, but for me there’s always been a couple of things missing – a golf club and somewhere you can go to have unrealistic grinding with a woman that’s up to 40 years younger than you that clearly despises everything you stand for. Fortunately I’ve got so much money I can make both of these important social services a reality. Have you seen my teeth, I put them down somewhere and can’t seem to find them…”
As reported in the Brightlingsea and Wivenhoe Gazette last week, Brucie will be knocking down both the schools in Wivenhoe in order to accommodate his new golf course (even though the site of Millfields will actually have nothing to do with the new course).
Though there’s been nothing but anger and opposition from Wivenhoe’s inhabitants, Mayor Dame Dannii Minogue has allowed all of the plans for the course and the brothel, sorry I mean lapdancing club, to pass through unchallenged.
Wivenhoe Feminist Society staged a protest yesterday, but it ended in farce with most of the protesters won over by Brucie’s charm and ending up offering to work in the club for free next week.
For those that are interested, Nice To See You opens its doors every Wednesday at 12. You can get a full roast dinner and a cup of tea for £3.75 and a lapdance with all the trimmings for £4,500.