The celebrity world has been thrown into chaos after it was revealed this morning that Henley’s fish and chip shop has taken down pictures of some of its biggest stars from its wall.
An ashen-faced Frank Bruno was discovered wandering the streets of Wivenhoe asking passers-by if they knew what he meant Harry, Jonathan Ross is understood to be consulting with his lawyers while Ant and Dec have begun questioning the futility of their own existence after it was revealed that signed photos of them had been removed from Henley’s incredible wall of fame.
The wall – which featured everyone that matters in the world of entertainment from Meryl Streep, Ted Rodgers and Dusty Bin through to Orville the duck, Immanuel Kant and someone called Brenda Blethyn – was listed among the top 10 tourist attractions of 2014 by the National Trust and was recently removed to make more room for patiently queueing customers.
Wivenhoe Mayor, Dame Dannii Minogue, expressed shock at the decision, revealing: “This is a shocking decision and is likely to hit Wivenhoe’s tourism hard. People come from as far afield as Fingringhoe, Wrabness and Weeley to see Henley’s amazing wall of celebrity autographs. It’s kind of like our Madam Tussards. I seriously questioned the decision to remove the telly with the looped video of Take On The Takeaway with that stupid Italian chef, but this is a step too far. Rome has truly fallen.”