For a long time now, revolutionary Cheryl Cole has fought tooth and nail for the freedom of those less well off than herself. After coming to prominence for her fiercely left-wing stance on benefits, women’s rights and precisely how much vinegar there should be in Walkers Salt and Vinegar Crisps, she is rightly regarded as a modern-day Che Guevera, socking it to the man.
Following her high profile L'Oréal Professionnel campaign to bring an end to gun violence and her stupid tattoo of roses on her arse to highlight the plight in Ukraine, plucky Cheryl has decided to take on one of the biggest institutions around – the masons.
This morning Wivenhoe’s answer to Germaine Greer stepped out of her Queen’s Road residence in Wivenhoe clad in the traditional swimming costume garb worn by freedom fighters in the Spanish Civil war and marched her way to the Masonic Hall on the main road. Without a care for her own personal safety or how hard the masons would come down on her, fearless Cheryl then, well, urinated on the steps leading to the main door.
Although onlookers were puzzled about what this hugely symbolic gesture meant, The Watcher managed to grab a few quick words with gorgeous Cheryl as she revealed: “Hoo’s the Toon gannin? Woor alwaes pisses here, loike. Ta-ra now pet”
No, I didn’t understand a word of it either…