Wivenhoe police are warning local residents not to go out alone along the Wivenhoe Trail after a mysterious shady character has repeatedly looted passing carriages for their “jewels, lacy hankies, scratch cards and fags”.
Wivenhoe Chief of Police, DI David Starsky told BBC’s Songs of Praise: “You wouldn’t have thought that a perfumed ponce armed with only a mirror (instead of a bullet or a knife) would cause much of threat, but for some reason people seem to be taken by this dastardly thief’s charms. If I catch him, I’ll scrub that eyeliner off of his grubby little face and give him a proper seventies-style thrashing”.
Dubbed by Colne Radio DJs Simon Bates and David ‘Grandad’ Jensen as the Dandy Highwayman, the androgynous pilferer has a penchant for wearing more belts than is really necessary, frilly cuffs, ribbons in his hair and masking tape stretched across his nose to disguise his identity – “a bit like a shit, slightly less randy Russel Brand”.
Owner of Wivenhoe’s Prints Charming photography shop, Alan Ant, was yesterday arrested in connection with the robberies but was promptly released without charge a couple of hours later. DI David Starsky told CrimeWatch UK: “Although I’ve been unable to link Mr Amp with the recent spate of highwaying, he has been warned to stop being dandy and showing me he’s handsome”.