Now that he’s got a little bit more time on his hands, the nation’s favourite quitter, Diddy David Cameraman, has decided to go back to his former career and open a pub in downtown Wivenhoe.
Dishy DavCam announced his intention to step down from running the Democratic Republic of Britainshire (into the ground) last week after demonstrating the sort of code of honour that can only be learnt at Eton, and leaving the whole steaming pile of politics for someone else to tidy up.
Quick-witted Dave told John Craven’s Newsround: “I now see how difficult it is for a modern unemployed man to survive in today’s urban wasteland. I understand that there’s something of a shortage of pubs in Wivenhoe and so I thought I’d do my bit to help out. I’ve borrowed a couple of mill off some old pals and reckon it’s time I got back to what I do best, organising piss ups in drinking establishments. Before I got in on the old politics game I used to run a right filthy old boozer in Deptford and reckon it’s time to get back to my roots”.
The Pig’s Mouth will be opening its jaws, sorry I mean doors this Thursday and offers an impressive selection of pork scratchings, bacon buttholes, sorry I mean butties and locally brewed ales. For some reason, it has no exit.