Our esteemed leader David Cameraman and his beautiful wife Samantha Fox appeared in Wivenhoe this morning in an effort to underline the complete worthlessness of pretty much everything ever, amen.
The chosen one and his glorious wife pulled up in Wivenhoe station car park in their Robin Reliant before, greeting an unexcited public and doing three laps of the skip in a ham-fisted metaphor to underline the utter futility of it all.
Cameraman told a disinterested passerby: “Look into your eyes, you will see. What you mean to me. Search your heart, search your soul and when you find me there you’ll search no more. You can’t tell me it’s not worth fighting for. You can’t tell me there’s nothing I want more. You know it’s true. Everything I do. I do it for you.”
The glorious couple then got back into their car and sped off to Maldon, where it is understood they intend to walk around the town throwing empty Burger King wrappers at passers by as they recite Musical Youth lyrics.