Soccerball sensation David Moyes is the latest big name to have been linked with the manager’s position at Wivenhoe Town FC. Following an astonishing 10-month reign at Manchester United where he broke pretty much every record in the book, before leading them to success in the Bachmann Turner Overdrive cup and claiming an all-important spot in the Dulux Paint Sunday League, the Scotch manager is believed to be seeking a new challenge.
Moyes is widely regarded as one of soccerball’s most innovative thinkers and it’s hoped that some of the revolutionary techniques and tactics that he introduced at United will be similarly employed by Town. With tried and tested methods including smoking methamphetamine at half time to employing a child’s squiggle in a colouring book formation, it’s believed that Moyes is the perfect fit for the most desired job in fussball.
Nobel peace prize winner Gary Lineker told The Watcher: “Moyes turned struggling United into a world-class team capable of beating some of the best. If he can get Wivenhoe’s rag tag collection of mercenaries playing in the same way who knows how far they could go. This time next year they could be playing Braintree or even Chelmsford. Would you like a crisp?”
Moyes already has his eye on some big-money signings with Christopher Biggins, Kenneth Keagan (Kevin’s dyslexic cousin) and that dog that runs around the park chasing balls and barking at old women believed to be lined up for talks.