Whether it’s the crips and bloods of Clacton, the rods and mockers of Colchester or the have nots and have even lesses of Fingrinhoe, running battles between tuff street gangs is nothing new for North East Essex.
And sadly, now even our quiet little corner has fallen foul to the violence and destruction of gang warfare as it’s proper kicked off between two rival factions of deers in Wivenhoe woods.
I talk, of course, of the simmering tension between the Bambis and Babychams that this weekend saw hoof fights spilling out of the woods and onto the streets as the two packs went head to head in an ugly turf war.
Speaking to BBC’s Newsnight, the Burberry-capped leader of the Babychams noted: “Stags are slags innit?” while their counterpart from the Bambis hit back with: “When you going to back them bubbles up with some fizz, girlie drink?”
It all got really rather unsavoury I can tell ya.
Thankfully, Wivenhoe Mayor, Dame Dannii Minogue, was on hand to cool the tension and after a quick sharp talking to, both factions slunk back into the woods with their tales between their legs promising to try and get along.
As Dame Dannii explained to Pebble Mill at One: “All it took was me pointing out that hunting season starts in a few days and they both decided they had bigger problems on their hooves. We won’t be hearing from them again for a while…”