The start of the new school term has seen turmoil breaking out on school busses into and out of Wivenhoe with rumours emerging that children have been forced to ride on the roof, sing The Wheels On The Bus for the entire journey and – in a bizarre case of political correctness gone mad – are no longer allowed to smoke cigarettes or have food fights on the top deck.
But the latest revelation – that a child was told that they weren’t allowed to bring a dinosaur onto the bus – has caused uproar among pretty much no one.
Disgruntled mother of 11 Susan Wardrobe told BBC Look East: “The boys have been doing dinosaurs this week, so naturally my Reg was desperate to take in Kes, his pet Markbolanasaurus. Imagine my shock when he came back home and said that the driver wouldn’t let him on. I’m at a loss what to do”.
Headteacher Steven Mortarboard was unavailable for comment, but some bloke in the pub reckoned he’d have said something along the lines off: “Do you want a game of darts?”
Essex County Council is understood to be investigating the matter, as Head of Traffic Raymond Chandler explained to Bus-Riders Monthly magazine: “I’ll be making this a matter of utmost urgency and filing the case just under that other pile of stuff that I have no intention of dealing with. The people of (insert name of town here) know that I have their best interests at heart”.
In separate news, members of CUDM (Clear Up Dog Mess) are understood to be concerned about the growth in popularity of dinosaurs as pets and the impact this will have on poo bins in the community.