Though every sorry loser on the internet appears to be working themselves up into a frenzy about the fact that another stupid Star Wars movie has begun shooting over in Rowhedge, proper dweebs are getting more excited about the upcoming series of Doctor Who starring foul-mouthed swear face Malcolm Tucker.
The Watcher was given exclusive access to the first day of shooting, which took place in Wivenhoe Business Centre, and can report that the new series will prove to be a huge hit with Whovians (or whatever those adults with body odour issues that like this stuff are called).
In the first episode the Doctor takes on the Fushuntis from the planet Chunt. The episode climaxes in a musical finale (pictured) that sees Tucker reunite with other Doctors from previous generations (Construction Doctor, Cop Doctor, Big Chief Doctor, Not-at-all-gay-at-all, honest Doctor and Doctor Denzel Washington) to sing the evil aliens into submission.
When this doesn’t work, the Doctor is forced to turn on the charm shouting at the top of his voice: “I will tear your ferking skin off, I will wear it to your mother's birthday party, and rub your nuts up and down her leg whilst whistling Bohemian ferking Rhapsody. Right?”
It’s not yet clear when the show will air, but it’s likely it’ll be right after Songs of Ferking Praise.
Malcolm Tucker is available for children’s parties, bar mitzvahs and christenings.