A survey carried out among the dogs of Wivenhoe has revealed that they are so appalled by their owner’s inability to clear up their excrement that they have been forced into action.
The survey, which was carried out by celebrity doggy author JK Growling (writer of the Hairy Potter dog wizard books) questioned 2,347 dogs living in Wivenhoe about issues varying from favourite walks, best sticks to chase and ultimate positions for sitting and licking their bits. But the overwhelming concern appeared to be the amount of dog muck that is left on the streets of Wivenhoe by careless owners.
Spokesdog Charles Barkowski told The Wivenhoe Chronicle: “It’s embarrassing enough having to defecate out in the open where everyone can see you and then to wipe your itchy bum on the pavement cos no-one’s thought to bring any loo roll. But then to add insult to injury, some idiots just leave it there, right in the middle of the street. Have you got any idea how horrible it is having to walk past your own shit every morning? I think I speak for every dog when I say it leaves us all feeling ruff.”
Consequently, a vigilante group of dogs called Canines for Justice has been taking action to clear up the mess and fight back by posting poopy parcels through the letterboxes of irresponsible owners.
Freedom fighter and practical joker Jeremy Beagle told The Watcher: “People need to understand that it’s not that difficult to bend down and clear up after us. I understand that they are intellectually stunted, but surely even humans can cope with such a simple task. I know they’re stupid, but if they can clear up their own crap surely they can sort ours out too? They’ll only go and tread in it anyways – twats.”