Much as I enjoy their delicious takeaway special fried rice and sweet and sour balls, you’ve got to admit that sometimes the Japanese have a funny way of doing things. Take the football World Cup. As the first series of group games got underway at the weekend, the tournament descended into chaos when organisers were unable to provide the proper equipment and the cream of the footballing world was forced to play with an egg-shaped ball and stupid goals with sticky uppy posty bits.
Commentator John Motson was horror struck as confused players not only opted to pick up the ball and run with it, but started fighting, pushing one another over and behaving in a generally beastly manner.
Footingball spokesperson Kevin’s Kegan exclaimed: “This is football, not egg ball. I don’t know how Jonny Nippon likes to play their soccer, but where I come from you don’t play with a squashed ball, you play with a foot-shaped one – that’s how it got its name dammit.”
England manager Sven Goran Erikson expressed dismay at the organiser’s faux pas, before pointing out that maybe the new rule changes could play in Enger-lund’s er hands, noting: “Beating the crap out of one another is part of English culture, maybe you won’t be quite so rubbish at this after all, has anyone seen Ulrika?”