Let’s all stand together hand in hand and give thanks to the Gods for providing the Untied Kingdom of Englandshire with such fine specimens of manhood. Doesn’t it make you proud to see our brave boys out there in Abroadsville giving Johnny and Jenny Foreigner a bloody good thrashing for having the temerity to not wear an En-ger-land football shirt?
The Euro 2016 fisticuff and town smashing championships only come around once every four years, but if there’s one thing you can guarantee, it’s that our boys will go out there to Franceland and give it their all.
OK, so we may not have the most skilled thugs, but what we lack in ability we more than make up for with true heart and good old-fashioned Engerlish grit.
So it came as something of a shock to learn this morning that all those weird-looking people what talk with funny accents and eat strange food in Europe have decided to derail our wonderfully worthwhile referendum and have one of their own to decide whether or not Engerland should be kicked out of Europe and made part of Asia. Being held a day before our own erection, the Should We Tell England To Do One vote will take place across Europe and is expected to have one of the highest turnouts ever. Our fate remains in their (probably not that clean) hands…