Super-turd Nigel Mirage has once again underlined his credentials as the next leader of the United Kingdom by defecating in the waiting room at Wivenhoe station – to the delight of biggots everywhere.
The moronic millionaire man of the people told passersby: “I’m sick to death of being told where and when I can take a dump by the powers that be in Brussels. It’s poo-litical correctness gone mad and I’m not standing for it. I’ll sit down if it’s all the same to you, I’m not French for goodness sake!”
The public pooping is part of a series of stunts that Mr Visage believes will draw attention to the dumbing down of serious issues in politics. He told The Watcher: “Last week I was arm wrestling with Chas and Dave in a car park in Southend and next week I’ll be in Rochester playing naked tiddlywinks with Duncan Goodhew. One way or another I’m determined to give these importance issues the coverage they deserve.
Loveable Nige has won hearts and minds with his everyman shtick drinking beer and smoking fags, while pretending that he’s just as racist and poor as the rest of us when in actual fact he’s married to a German refugee and is one of the banker scumbags that’s been rogering the country senseless for the last 20 years.
Despite his superhuman ability to spout shiddles from either end, Wivenhoe’s commuters remain unimpressed. Trevor Man told The Watcher: “If I wanted to see a racist thug gurning at me while he squeezes one out on the platform I’d go and catch the train in Clacton. The man is a fartknocker and I’m not opening the door.”