The simple folk of Wivenhoe have expressed deep distress about Pie Minister and leader of the evil Empire, Theresa Maypole’s plans to cancel the ban on fox hunting in the highly unlikely event that she wins the upcoming general erection.
As if her her ploy to destroy the National Health Service, euthanase the poor and send the United Kingdom of Great Britainshire back to the 13th century is not enough, she also intends to bring back fox hunting, child labour and bear (master) baiting.
Understandably, there has been consternation among Wivenhoe residents about the threat that the maniacal leader poses to our wildlife, although in truth no one seems too bothered about the euthanasia or child labour thing…
In a statement to the press Gary Tissue, leader of Wivenhoe’s Fox Appreciation Society, explained: “The fox is a part of our cultural heritage and once it’s gone we can never replace it. Imagine if you can, having bangers and mash without curly kale, or fish and chips without quinoa – that’s what our countryside would be like if we let this happen! We must stand together and show Empress Maypole we’re not going play her merry games”.
In a surprising move, the North-East Essex wing of the World Wildlife Fund has expressed a more relaxed attitude towards Minister Maypole’s wicked plans, noting: “There’s a lot of consternation about the repeal of fox hunting, but people need to remember that Theresa needs to win the election first. She doesn’t stand chance coming up against the political colossus that is Jeremy Corbett. Labour’s got this one sewn up, you mark my words. This’ll be like Blair all over again, but with a cute, little white beard and without the lying and war mongering”.