Sad news reaches the Watcher that just days after opening, Wivenhoe’s latest tourist attraction is being forced to close. Established and stocked by the man with fishy fingers that runs Wivenhoe’s Fish Van, it was hoped that Wivenhoe Aquarium would pull in Pisces from across the globe, but alas it was not to be.
The failure to realise just how much room a killer whale would actually take up combined with the interference of liberal namby pamby animal protestors has resulted in a financial disaster for the fisherman’s friend and tragically means that Wivenhoe won’t be getting the dolphinarium it so desperately needs.
“It was all going so well and then these protesters started turning up with Free Willy banners. I think Wivenhoe’s homosexual community and some over excited women got the wrong idea and before I knew it, what was supposed to be a fun day out for all the family had turned into something altogether more obscene. On a more positive note, I’ve got shitloads of whale stakes if anyone’s interested.” Captain Birdseye told Colne Radio.
Disappointing though the news is, Wivenhoe Mayor Dame Dannii Minogue is still planning to go ahead with her plan to introduce crocodiles into Wivenhoe’s Wildlife Garden in an effort to combat the growing problems caused by invasive slugs and snails.