Superstars Paul Gascoigne, Alan Partridge and Germaine Greer have formed an unlikely alliance to warn British children of the dangers of eating fruit and veg. The intellectual hit squad has taken it upon themselves to tour supermarkets across the United Kingdom to destroy the myth that fruit and vegetables are actually good for health and well being.
At the launch of the campaign this morning in Wivenhoe Co-op, Greer told The Watcher: “I spent over 30 years working as one of the World’s leading supermodels and like to think that I would never have got those page three gigs at The Sun if I’d eaten rubbish like kumquats, ochre or aubergines. Children need to know of the dangers of this muck and stick to good healthy stuff like KFC and McDonald's.”
Partridge added: “I like to think that I owe much of my success on Radio Norwich to the humble Toblerone. When I was a lad my father would have struck me with the back of his hand if I’d dared to ask for a kiwi or some grapes. Kids have got it all wrong today.”
Paul Gazza Gascoigne, who brought along a chicken, fishing rod and bag of spanners to the launch showed his disdain for vegetables by necking a 2 litre bottle of Lambrini and promptly throwing up all over the mushrooms and peppers. Shoppers are advised to steer clear of the salad section for the next few days.