This time last year bad weather records were being broken across the UK as the country was thrown into chaos by raining frogs and a plague of locusts. Thankfully, 2015 has seen much more grown-up weather. Until Sunday night…
Meterologyologyologists were left bewildered as the small North Essex town of Wivenhoe fell foul to 132 metric tonnes of rainfall in just 28 minutes – leaving the town all wet and that.
Cars were overturned, grass left all muddy and on Manor Road one terrified person claimed that two of their milk bottles were knocked over by the sheer force of the weather.
Meanwhile, unlucky lovers Leonardo DiCapri-Sun and squeeze Kate Winnets had to abandon their pleasure cruise as their boat was washed away by the unseasonal sky-wet.
Di-Capri-Sun told her off Tomorrow's World: “It was terrifying. One minute me and the missus were hanging off the front of the boat like in that film and the next this huge wave of mutilation washed over us, you know like in the Pixies song. My shirt’s gone all damp and I think Kate’s hair dye is starting to run – it’s a proper disaster.”
While most residents were safely ensconced in their night-time people pods and didn’t suffer the ill effects of God’s tears, there remains a general feeling of gloom that the dripping sky tap might leak some more over the coming days.
Professional weather-worrier Michael Fish told The Watcher: “I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched c-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate. I even once saw a bloke taking a dump on the Northern line, but I’ve never seen nothink like this. This is a new one for me and quite honestly I’m papping it.”