Though the introduction of new playground apparatus in Wivenhoe’s park has been for the most part met with widespread enthusiasm across most of Northern Europe, the opinion of one particularly naysayer has been largely ignored. I talk, of course, of the rocking horse that has for years entertained children with its unerring ability to repeatedly rock forwards and then backwards while making a strange creaking noise.
As is so often the case with the disaffected, if you don’t take into consideration their feelings they take matters into their own hands or perhaps that should be hooves. And so it was this morning at 7:30 that the rocking horse carried out the dirtiest of dirty protests against the new playground additions.
Speaking in this morning’s Racing Post, the horse whinnied: “It would have been nice to have consulted me to see how I felt about these strange newcomers entering my patch, but no; no-one gives a monkey’s about what old Dobbin thinks about it. What really gets my goat is that when I chose to come here I was given assurances that I would be the main event. I could’ve been put out to stud after my successful career in racing, but instead I decided to give something back to the community. If this is how they repay me, they can get stuffed. I’d have been better of going to a dog food factory.”