Having proven to be completely ineffective at finding seats on trains, singing the national anthem and bowing in defiance to illegal immigrant Queen Elizabeth Two, Laboured Party leader Jeremy Corbett this morning announced that he plans to step down from politics in order to take up a new role as a platoon leader to help the rebel alliance in their ongoing struggle against the evil empire.
Cornballs – who himself successfully crushed a number of rebel uprisings from Obi Wan Owen Smith and Jar Jar Burnham – told Pebble Mill At One: “At a time when the people of Britain needed me most and the Tories were ripe for the taking, I guess looking like a geography teacher and trying to be reasonable just weren’t enough to cut it, and for that reason I’m oot – thanks for the opportunity Lord Alan. It’s time for me to pass the job on to some other rubber-faced weirdo on a hiding to nothing. Anyways, I’ve got a lightsabre now. Pew pew!”
Jebediah Corbine is not the first high-profile politician to have tried their hand at something different; after enjoying huge success with his Brexit practical joke, Pieminister David Cameraman went on to become the face of Cillit Bang; Ed Millibangs has joined the line-up of hunks in Mary Berry’s bordello and shit monkey Michael Gove took on the role of Gollum in the unsuccessful West End production of Lord Of The Rings on ice.