Intellectual, political heavyweight and respected poet Katie Price caught the attention of absolutely no one yesterday as she left Wivenhoe’s premier hair colourist Headfirst Hair Salon with a new gorgeous hairstyle. Despite calling up a number of leading press agencies, paparazzi and broadcasters to warn them about the fact that she’d be leaving the hairdressers this morning and absolutely didn’t want any attention, honest, no one cared.
Jordan, who has single handedly set back human evolution by around 150 years with her acts of sickening physical abuse and shameless self promotion was hoping to bring attention to the importance of reading with a Look-In TV annual from 1986 and a Bumper Beginner’s Book on Feminism.
An onlooker told The Watcher: “I was walking past with me shopping when I heard this awful cackling as the door from Headfirst opened and this ridiculous rainbow monstrosity came out posing, pouting and waggling her boobs around as if there were a bunch of photographers waiting. But there wasn’t. There was a dog sniffing a patch of wee on a wall and a boy chasing a hoop down the street with a stick.”
Jordan has returned to her Rebow Road penthouse to plan her next media appearance, leaving Wivenhoe’s philosophers wondering: “If Jordan falls down in the woods, does anyone give a shiddle?”.