Unless you’ve missed the news the nation has been waiting for, Kate and Big Willy style announced on Tuesday that they are expecting another baby.
Just as we were getting distracted by inconsequential nonsense like wars, depravation, poverty and cruelty around the world, finally a story that really matters has broken, and in the same week as the launch of another new iPhone – surely this will go down as the best week ever…
Glowing Kate and balding Wills made their first public appearance yesterday since the exciting news went public, and already the world feels a better place. Israelis were seen rejoicing arm in arm with Palestinians, Russians put down their guns and simulated the coupling of Wills and Kate with Ukrainians and the people of Syria realised that they were just making a fuss about nothing compared to this earth-shattering news.
Closer to home, Wivenhoe Mayor, Dame Dannii Minogue, told The Watcher: “It’s so inspiring to think that Prince William inserted his penis into Kate’s vagina and rhythmically thrust it until his boy eggs made a baby with her girl ones just so that we wouldn’t have to think about boring stuff like our kids, paying bills and the decline of Western civilisation as we know it. It makes me proud to be British, and I’m Australian.”