Unless you’ve been living in a cave for the last six months, you must have taken part in one of those ‘Which XXX Are You?’ quizzes. You know the ones. You answer a series of questions and then you’re told which Star Wars character, flower, band from the sixties, animal, implement of cutlery or child from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory best represents you.
Always keen to jump on the bandwagon, it’s as good a time as any to follow suit and ask: Which Wivenhoe Landmark Are You?
All you have to do is answer the questions below and then use the simple equation to figure out the answer.
Be sure to share your answers with your friends…
It’s a Saturday night, the kids are asleep in bed and your partner has gone out for the evening and left you on your own. Do you:
A) Strip naked, smear Marmite on your perfect peachy flesh and then march around the house shouting at the top of your voice: “I am the lizard Queen”.
B) Dig out your favourite book about Derek Scarpenter’s life and times at The Brightlingsea and Wivenhoe Chronicle, stick a Findus crispy pancake in the microwave and then weep uncontrollably for 15 minutes.
C) Pretend that you’re Masterchef’s Greg Wallace and then enter the various eating establishments in Wivenhoe so that you can steal other people’s food and say things like: “I’m getting nutmeg here” “I don’t normally like tomatoes John, but this tastes delicious” and “Eating doesn’t get much more intense than this”
It’s Tuesday morning, the kids are at school and you’ve just finished the washing and are about to hang it on the line to dry, but it looks like it’s about to start raining. Do you:
A) Crack open a can of Special Brew, throw the washing on the fire and sit down to watch some Jeremy Kyle.
B) Fashion a life-size figurine of Brad Pitt out of Galaxy chocolate, make out with it for 20 minutes and then eat it before falling asleep on the floor in a choccie stupor.
C) Stick the washing in the tumble dryer and then pretend that you’re Eammon Holmes for the day by sticking a cushion up your top and talking in a gentle, lilting Oirish accent.
You’ve just arrived home from a hard day at t’pit only to discover that your husband has changed his name to Susan and has eloped to Swansea with the dog, whom he plans to marry. Do you:
A) Decide that this is the opportunity you’ve been waiting for to turn your life around. Swap the subscription to The Radio Times for Hot Hunks Dressed as Monks, parade around the house in pants and socks for a week eating only Ben and Jerry’s Phish Food ice cream and only hoover once every three days.
B) Sell the house, scrap the car and join a passing circus, fulfilling your lifetime ambition of being a lion tamer with a lisp.
C) Make yourself a cup of tea and have a nice sit down.
In a moment of clarity you realise that you’re wasting your life away taking part in inane quizzes, sharing pictures of cute dogs or children saying daft things, and taking selfies while you have a wee. Do you:
A) Devote your life to Noel Edmonds and ride around the UK on a white horse with rings on your fingers and bells on your toes.
B) Shave your head and put on Speedos and then spend a month pretending to be Duncan Goodhew.
C) Realise that there is no shame in enjoying Facebook and Twitter in moderation. Shave every single hair off of your body and repeatedly roll in salt and vinegar crisps.
How did you do?
Mostly As
You are Wivenhoe Doctors.
Mostly Bs
You are the car park behind the library.
Mostly Cs
You are that drain cover outside Wivenhoe garage that loudly clanks every time a car goes over it.
Mostly Ds
You are Clacton pier
