Reports have been flooding in from residents of Wivenhoe to Crimewatch UK that movie star and flappy-dress-knicker show-off Marilyn Monroe is actually alive and well and working in Wivenhoe on the bins.
Marilyn’s tragic death in 1962 was shrouded in mystery following accusations of romantic dalliances with then-President JFK – the first to be named after an airport. While police reports suggested that Marilyn had taken her own life with an exotic cocktail of Um Bongo, Tixylix cough medicine and strawberry shoelaces, it has become clear that the whole thing might have been a heinous cover up and that she is actually alive and well and in charge of plastic and paper collection every other Wednesday in and around the Wivenhoe area.
The refuse officer, reputed to have a passing resemblance to the Happy Birthday Mr President singing sex bomb, goes by the moniker of Norman Jean Mortenson (aka Grubby Norm) and can be found in Wivenhoe’s bookies when he’s not on the bins. He is understood to be a fond fan of bare-knuckle boxing, cock fighting and his Rottweiler diamonds – which he reckons is his best friend.