Cake-cooking hostess with the mostest Mary Berry has become the subject of controversy since opening her new ladies club Taste of Hollywood at The Cross. Mary, pictured with a small selection of some of the pole dancers, lap rubbers and groin grinders that can be found inside, has claimed that the men are there to provide entertainment and that nothing untoward is going on. However, there are those that disagree, most notably male equality group Those What Are Against This Stuff (TWAATS).
TWAATS spokesperson Alvin Popperton told The Watcher: “It’s demeaning for men to be viewed purely as some form of baking beef cake, there’s more to us than that. Some of us watch football, some can drink beer and smoke at the same time and there are even those what can do the washing up and that. It’s fair enough having lap dancing clubs for us to go to, but something like this in Wivenhoe is political correctness gone mad, unBuddhist and almost certainly racist. And besides it gives me stirrings down below that I’m not entirely sure how to deal with.”
Mary – of Mary, Joseph and baby Jesus fame – opened Taste of Hollywood at the weekend and has been blown away by its success. She told The Watcher: “There’s no doubt that the blokes in Wivenhoe are hot stuff, but sometimes you don’t just want to eat cheesecake at home when you can go out somewhere else and have Victoria sponge. That’s where my boys come in. There’s nothing that they won’t do and there’s one to please every type of girl in Wivenhoe. Best of all you won’t find a soggy bottom in here.”
In the interests of investigative journalism, The Watcher decided to enter the establishment incognito and is happy to report that Taste of Hollywood is the perfect place to relax, let your hair down and properly treat yourself. I’m seriously considering taking up residence in there. See you there later girls…