For the last couple of weeks Wivenhoe residents in The Cross area have been concerned to note that their milk has been disappearing from their doorsteps mere moments after being delivered.
Some have suggested that it’s the work of a rival milkman hoping to pick up extra customers, while others have hinted this might be the work of a terrorist ISIS cell based in Alresford.
Having worked in close collaboration with the Bottled Up Milk Protection (BUMP) division of Wivenhoe Police Force, The Watcher can exclusively reveal this photograph of the person believed to be responsible for the thefts.
D.I. Lyons told The Watcher: “From our pictures it’s difficult to tell whether this hideous beast is a man or a woman or if it’s even of this earth. One thing we do know is that it’s a heinous beast, capable of disgusting acts of cruelty and unforgivable crimes against humanity. If anyone sees this evil-looking milk snatcher carrying out their despicable crimes I’d advise not to approach them. If there’s a God up there in them clear blue skies, this fucker has some nasty shit coming their way when they eventually cruise on down to hell.”