For years now unhinged mentalists have bored the world stupid with their ludicrous conspiracy theories about the 1969 moon landing of Neil Armstrong Buzz Lightyear and Alan Titchmarsh, pointing out that inconsistencies in the photographs taken by NASA suggest that the whole thing was a sham.
Today The Watcher can exclusively reveal that although these charlatans are clearly one brick short of a Lego set, there is some truth in their doo-doo theories. The above photograph, which was released earlier this week by The Wivenhoe Space Agency, shows how the infamous photograph was actually staged outside of Crossway Stores in Mid-town Wivenhoe.
Speaking exclusively via a medium-sized medium, sadly departed special effects legend Ray Harryharryhausen told The Watcher: “The guys from NASA asked us to use our skills to fake the moon landing in this here spot in the summer of 68. We got Buzz and Woody to dress up in their astronaut suits, got the flag and then created a moon landscape using a mixture of papier-mâché, porridge and Dairylea Triangles. It wasn’t easy cos cars kept pulling up for people to pop into the post office to get themselves some stamps or lube. But in the end we got the shot we wanted and managed to fool quite a lot of people for quite some time.”
This is not the first conspiracy theory to be revealed to have its roots in the North Eastern Essex metropolis of Wivenhoe. In 1982, Marilyn Monroe was discovered to be alive and well selling copies of The Big Issue outside of the Co-op, the Bermuda Triangle was seen having a quiet pint in the Rose and Crown pub in 1993 and it’s widely known that the infamous grassy knoll that shot JFK now resides in Wivenhoe woods.