Great news for all of Wivenhoe’s more glamorous ladies and preening gentle man folk, Wivenhoe has finally got its first nail bar!
Following countless money raising exploits, decades of petitioning Parliament and a series of crowd funding campaigns, the people of Wivenhoe will finally be able to experience the pleasure of having little coloured bits of plastic glued to their fingers by ladies of Vietnamese origin at great expense.
Scarlet’s has been opened by local amateur dramatic darling and star of Wivenhoe’s pantomime scene, Scarlett Johansson, and promises to offer the usual money laundering, people trafficking and low-level drug dealing that’s available in rival establishments across the country.
As gorgeous Scarlett explained to the readers of Horse & Hound magazine: “I’m delighted to be able to offer the filthy fingered people of Wivenhoe the clean-up service their mucky mitts so desperately require. As far as I’m concerned no nails are beyond repair and no cuticles too scuffed. It’s my dream that we can offer out hand jobs to the whole town and then one day the entire county!”
Scarlet’s is open Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays between 3.15 and 3.45, accepts luncheon vouchers and is offering a special introductory two-for one deal for anyone with fused fingers or webbed feet.