News reaches The Watcher from an old colleague that used to work at Empire magazine, that the next James Bond film – The Spy That Shoved Me – will be Daniel Craig’s last and that following on from the BBC’s dramatic casting of Doctor Who as a woman, the new Bond will in fact be a 12-year-old boy.
Currently in year 8 at The Colne in Brightlingsea, Wivenhoe’s Steven Mitten is understood to be in the frame for one of Hollywood’s most sought-after roles. In an interview with the ghost of Barry Norman in tomorrow’s Daily Mail, the film franchise’s producer Barbara Broccoli reveals what drew her to the Wivenhoe schoolboy: “For too many years now Bond has been this misogynistic, alcohol swilling dinosaur and we feel it’s time for an update. The next movie sees him as a spotty, slightly smelly adolescent that blushes when girls look at him and is more interested in Minecraft than gadgets and guns.”
It is understood that the new younger Bond will be ditching his iconic Bentley in favour of a public bus full of screaming school kids that his parents have to pay a fortune for every year...