It’s emerged that over the weekend a non-famous person lost their life after a short, uneventful battle with a non-specific illness. The person concerned had neither appeared in box-office record-breaking movies, produced albums loved by people the world over or even appeared on TV. And it’s for this very reason that social media found itself ill equipped to deal with the insignificant passing of someone none of us have ever heard of.
Professor of Social Media Studies at Brightlingsea University, Clifford Madeupname, told no-one in particular: “In a year when we’ve lost so many big names from the world of music, movies and badminton – Ken Fartleshum, Steve Flaps and Kay Winghuck to name but three – why on earth should we waste our valuable time and energy thinking about someone that’s not famous? They didn’t even play keyboards on the Birdie Song or pretend to be a spy in a film, so why should we give a shit?”
EU Prime-President David Cameraman hasn’t announced a memorial service that Jeremy Corbyn won’t sing the national anthem at, no-one put pictures or video clips of the person on their timeline (like they do for all the worthwhile famous people that they never knew) and the person in question wasn’t mentioned on the news or Record Breakers, and so clearly doesn’t matter.
In fact, the only person that acknowledged the passing of the person who’s name I forget now was Piers Morgan, who Tweetled: “Sad to hear about the passing of that person I never knew. Look at me world, aren’t I compassionate?”. Clearly he was wasting his time. Everyone knows that only #celebritylivesmatter. Now move along, nothing to see here.