Secret documents leaked to The Watcher have revealed that Transport For London intends to add Wivenhoe to the Northern Line before the end of May. The plans, which were hatched by evil London Mayor Bodger Johnson in his evil underground lair, reveal that: “There’ll be a long bendy bit that comes off of High Barnett, turns right towards Enfield and then just goes direct to Wivenhoe”.
Though as yet nothing has been confirmed by the Mayor’s office, it’s believed that the extension is being added to London’s underground network, cos Bodger has got a secret woman in Wivenhoe that he’s getting jiggy with and he wants to be able to visit her as and when the urge takes him. A London Assembly insider anonymously confessed to The Watcher: “He’d cycle if he could, but he can’t get his fat little legs to go fast enough to get up Clingo Hill, hence the building work.”
In her regular morning briefing with the world’s press, Wivenhoe Mayor Dame Dannii Minogue told watching reporters: “I don’t know anything about these spurious allegations and I refuse to entertain such ridiculous notions, “ before adding, “Personally I’m pissed at the decision. I’d much rather it had been on the Jubilee Line as it’d be great for a little bit of shopping in Bond Street.”