Last night unhappy residents living close to Wivenhoe woods complained to the authorities that the caterwauling of a peculiarly sad-looking duck kept them awake throughout the night.
The forlorn-looking ball of green fluff was seen waddling through the woods letting out a haunting sound that some described as: “Being worse than Madonna singing live”.
Wildlife expert Chris Packham, who lives in nearby Rosabelle Avenue, told The Watcher: “It’s not entirely clear why it is that this ugly, strangely coloured bird thingy is crying. Maybe it’s lost its mate or perhaps it wishes it could fly, who knows? One thing’s for sure, if it carries on making that racket tonight I’ll be having crispy duck pancakes for breakfast tomorrow.”
Meanwhile, a Mr C. Uddles-Themonkey told passersby: “I ‘ate that duck”