The hottest red carpet looks from the Oscars

Now that the Wivenhoe May Fair has been canned by The Man, perhaps the only thing that dedicated followers of fashion have to look forward to in their pathetic little lives is the traditional parade of the thick, feckless and apparently beautiful on the red carpet at The Oscars. So last night with camera in hand, The Watcher headed over to Merica to catch some of the hottest red carpet looks – something that Wivenhoe’s leading followers of fashion will surely be emulating in the coming months…

First up is this deeply luxurious Axminster. With it’s gorgeous red flecks and risqué yet alluring black fleck detailing, this statement piece is sure to be a big hit on catwalks everywhere over the coming months.

First up is this deeply luxurious Axminster. With it’s gorgeous red flecks and risqué yet alluring black fleck detailing, this statement piece is sure to be a big hit on catwalks everywhere over the coming months.

Disappointingly, Cate Blanchett is so bothered about being upstaged by this gorgeous offering from Ikea that she’s insisted on covering most of it with her stupid dress. Selfish cow.

Disappointingly, Cate Blanchett is so bothered about being upstaged by this gorgeous offering from Ikea that she’s insisted on covering most of it with her stupid dress. Selfish cow.

This year, it was all about deep shag and this Christian Dior offering was particularly notable for the way that it could handle having as many as five different people standing on it at any one time, sometimes even with trainers.

This year, it was all about deep shag and this Christian Dior offering was particularly notable for the way that it could handle having as many as five different people standing on it at any one time, sometimes even with trainers.

Boasting incredible yarn density and some of the most significant pile yarn per weight figures Hollywood has seen in years, this CarpetRUs Clacton Branch offering proved to be the choice of the night with Kate Winglet, Brad Pips and George C Looney all choosing to tread their tender tootsies on its incredible blend.

Boasting incredible yarn density and some of the most significant pile yarn per weight figures Hollywood has seen in years, this CarpetRUs Clacton Branch offering proved to be the choice of the night with Kate Winglet, Brad Pips and George C Looney all choosing to tread their tender tootsies on its incredible blend.