Imagine you’re a councillor with a huge budget of millions of pounds to spend on your hood, what would you spend your Brewsters on? A swimming pool? A cinema? That bowling alley you’ve always dreamed of? A doctor’s surgery perhaps? All good suggestions admittedly, but what post-Brexit Britain needs right now to put a smile back on the faces of Johnny and Jenny Britainer is an outdoor gym.
Yep that’s right somewhere you can do exercises, but instead of somewhere like Bananatynes where because it’s indoors you don’t get to enjoy the rain or cold, how about putting it outside?
The good news is that the powers that be have finally relented and after months of marching, pamphleting and protests, a metal pole and three different-sized T-shapes have been stuck into the ground. Finally, Wivenhoe is ready to become the Muscle Beach of the East. Just in time for Winter.
Wivenhoe Mayor, Dame Dannii Minogue, told Men’s Health magazine: “When I’m unfortunate enough to look out of my window at the people of Wivenhoe, I realise what a pug-ugly overweight bunch of rabble they actually are. Not everyone can be all pert and beautiful like me and there simply isn’t the budget to afford Botox for all, so the next best thing is to create an outdoor gym. You buggers need to get up off your lazy bott-botts and get physical. And do it soon, or I’ll close your doctors”.
It’s understood that LA is already nervously preparing for a drop in its visitors.