In a shocking new development, it has been revealed that the controversial pipeline running through Dakota is going to be re-routed via Wivenhoe in a desperate effort to placate the Native Americans that live there.
Head of Evil Bastard Corp, Alan Shit – the man behind the pipeline – told Good Morning With Anne and Nick: “I’m sick to death of all of these red, er I mean Native Mericans woo-woo-wooing about my pipe of pure evil going through their land, so I’ve decided to stick it somewhere where the powers that be are a little bit more flexible. It also helps that there’s only one native member of the community there likely to get in the way”.
Wivenhoe Mayor, Dame Dannii Minogue revealed: “Yes this is controversial and no I am not taking a backhander, these sacks of money I’ve got here I got doing the scratch cards, innit though. For many years, Wivenhoe has been lacking in a pipe of pure evil and it’s great that we’ve now got one. Sure, Chief Cycle Path may have his feathers ruffled by the new development, but living in a community is all about give and take. I’m giving him a pipe of pure evil and he’s got to take it on the chin, yeah?”