His holiness Pope Francis this morning paid a visit to the Village Squire beauty salon in a desperate attempt to gain control of his notoriously unruly locks.
Stopping to bless a dog that was weeing against a wall, his holiness proclaimed: “It’s been a difficult couple of weeks for my gang, what with all the revelations about the bad stuff, so I thought I’d pop in and shoot the shit with Vinny, while getting a bit off the side and my eyebrows threaded. It’s always nice to chat about where I’m off to on me holidays later in the summer and catch up on all the latest goss.”
With his barnet freshly styled, the Pontiff popped next door to the Post Office to get some fags, johnnies and a copy of Razzle before jumping back in the Popemobile and heading off in the general direction of Clacton with Cliff Richard booming from his stereo.
Despite the bad rap ‘his lot’ have got of late, he’d like it to be known he’s available for weddings and Bah Mitzvahs