There have been many dark days in Wivenhoe’s long and proud history, but yesterday will almost certainly be remembered as one of the darkest. For some bizarre reason, a faction of what can only be described as ‘snotty-nosed upstarts’ took it upon themselves to protest by driving backwards in their cars as fast as they could to The Colne School.
The convoy of 3,500 cars was organised by the Wivenhoe Liberation Front in an effort to raise public awareness about the way their children commute to and from school and was chaperoned by Wivenhoe's chief of police, DI David Starsky.
Spokesperson Dorothy Bilbo Baggins told BBC Look East: “For too long the children of Wivenhoe have had to travel to the Colne every day in buses. Buses that cost a small fortune and I for one am sick to death of seeing this mis-use of public money. We are proposing that our children now be delivered to school in the cheapest way possible – a cattle truck. If all of this money is wasted on something as stupid as children there won’t be any money left for MPs to claim back as expenses and that is simply unacceptable.”
Wivenhoe mayor, Dame Dannii Minogue was also on hand to show her support, adding: “We are working very closely with the Wivenhoe Liberation Front to ensure that no more money is wasted on this ridiculous situation. Other options we’re exploring include digging a tunnel between here and Brightlingsea, building a huge slide or getting children to walk up the A12 to a school in Braintree that closed in 1982.”
Though members of the Wivenhoe Liberation Front felt their protest was a success, locals in Brightlingsea who were affected by the stunt were not so impressed.
John Fockwhit told The Watcher: “I was right narked orf about these idiots. They made me 10 minutes late for work and I hate my job with all me ‘eart. They need to stop being so selfish thinking about their kids and think about me.”