Colchester Borough Council has announced that building work on the main road in and out of Wivenhoe that has now been going on since 1942 is set for further delays following the release of the first trailer for the new Star Wars film Rogue One.
Chief-Muppet-in-Chief, Robert T Builder, told Construction News: “It’s been a difficult week for the boys and the unexpected arrival of a trailer like this is bound to have a knock-on effect on the completion date. There’s only so many hours in the day for us to flick through the pages of The Sun, shout “Alright darling?” to anyone that walks past and discuss man’s inhumanity to man, and the arrival of this trailer has caught us completely off guard. Judging by the time the boys have lost endlessly watching it today and running around going ‘pew-pew’ at one another, I’d be very surprised if the road reopens much before July 2017”.
In more positive news, inhabitants of Wivenhoe will be pleased to learn that the two remaining roads in and out of the city have also been closed “for shits and giggles” and that if anyone now wishes to leave town, they will need to wade across the river Colne, hike for five miles to the nearest helipad in Fingringhoe and from there it’s a mere four-hour flight to Stanstead airport.