It is understood that sexual predator and lambasted former TV celebrity Rolf Harris has begun preparations to stand as the next Prime Minister of the formerly average nation of Great Britainshire. Rolf, who is currently serving a prison sentence for a series of vile acts that have recently become known as ‘Trumping’, has revealed that he has big plans to: “Make Britainshire Great again”.
Speaking from solitary confinement in D-wing, Harris used an aging piece of soggy cardboard box to wobble out the following cryptic missive in Morse code: “I’m going to build a wall… lock her up… China… Can you tell what it is yet?”
While Harris remains incarcerated at her majesty’s pleasure, it is understood that his campaign team has already got the wheels in motion to launch a campaign against Theresa May and that bloke that looks like Obi Wan Kenobi. If Rolferoo is successful, it’s understood that he will make Jim Davidson foreign secretary, Timmy Mallet minister for education and Tinky Winky from the Tellytubbies Chancellor. The Bank of England has reacted positively to the announcement with the pound standing fairly strong against the dog poo, while Harris is already a clear favourite to carry on the fine work of steering mankind towards it’s inevitable doom.
A tramp I met down by the docks commented: “In this new political climate of optimism and joy, it’s good to know that someone that has a past littered with a history of vile acts towards women can grab the reigns of power and make us all feel good about ourselves. Finally, we’ve got someone that can say it like it is”.